literature

Reciprocate

Deviation Actions

RedEarthofTerra's avatar
Published:
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Literature Text

Throw yourself against me
and I'll reciprocate
with all the strength I have.


I need your weight
Thirstier
than ever.



I can still feel the motion of you
In my hips
Like the ocean,


Can still feel
The valley of your skin
Under my fingertips.


I want you in every pore of me.


And when I leave tonight
Every footstep will dislodge a piece of me
That's been slowly chipped away
By the impact of you


These words will never quench my need
To be beside you
To live inside you
To be with you
Always.

This pen
no matter how dark the ink
Could never cover up
The words you've etched so deeply
In my skin


No one has ever been this voracious
Has ever been this insane
Has ever been more in love
than I am with you.
Hmm it needs work.
Input?
© 2012 - 2024 RedEarthofTerra
Comments6
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TheBloodWriter's avatar
The language is mostly dandy. I could criticize your line breaks, particularly your choice of breaks in that first stanza, and the line valley of your skins seems strange to me like you've used it before mayhaps?

The tone is faithfully as ferocious as the subject matter and the intensity helps to jar the reader. If you change the lines, or words, be sure to read it and make sure the tone doesn't falter. It's impossibly direct from the first line and that makes the piece.