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:iconredearthofterra: More from RedEarthofTerra

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Submitted on
May 30, 2008
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920 bytes


4 (who?)
"Ooo's" and "Aww's"
   and I sitting in the corner
looking at what she wrote.

  Tears blinked from my eyes,
   sweat dropped for goodbyes.
    unrequited sighs.

Smile on her face,
just an embrace
     thrills me.

  I can't get over
     how things aren't meant to be,
  how this is my last time
     writing you and me.
Soon you'll be just another recollection.
   Another heartbreak
I can add to my collection.

The last words we said were triumphs for pain.
I could say how I feel, but it's best to refrain.
I shouldn't feel ashamed for posting this.

Jessa Rose :blackrose:
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sire011886 Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2008
I can say I've experienced similar moments, similar pain and tried in a similar way to express myself, but here, you waxed far more beautifully than I ever did, RedEarthofTerra.
Thank you.

~ Anti
RedEarthofTerra Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
:) That's really sweet, thank you so much. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
leoraigarath Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2008  Professional Writer
That first stanza got me as I looked through your gallery, I was drawn to it, mesmerized. I love this stanza, especially those two first lines, that’s really strong and intricate emotion you captured there, at least in my opinion. I also love the way the sentences are uneven, disarranged like, gives it a feeling of lost, broken, fragility – very good, though sad, vibe.

I would change but one thing, on the second stanza’s first line, it’s not clear to me why you didn’t use the rhyme and rhythm of the whole stanza and applied it to the first line too, like –

Tears blinked from my eyes,
Sweat dropped for goodbyes.
Unrequited sighs.

I do not see a reason to be ashamed, not of this poem, or any other poem that reflects an outlet and feelings, and not of the subject. :+fav:
RedEarthofTerra Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
Wow, thank you so much. It's really nice to get a new perspective from a new viewer, especially one who gives valuable input.
Thanks much for the suggestion -- sometimes it takes another's eyes to see things clearly. :) It's a great piece of constructive criticism and I don't see why I didn't do that before, lol. :D

Thanks again! You just made my day brighter.
navarre61636 Featured By Owner May 31, 2008
very well done, and actually reflects how I feel at the moment... again, well done.
navarre61636 Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2008
no, I guess it wasn't how I felt, more like it reached me... I just used the wrong words...
RedEarthofTerra Featured By Owner May 31, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
:) Thanks sweetie.
And I'm sorry to hear that, it's not a pleasant feeling.
Wanna talk about it?
Effamay Featured By Owner May 31, 2008
no, you shouldn't.

because it's a fantastic piece of poetry,

that, secondly, reassures people like me that the feeling is universal.
RedEarthofTerra Featured By Owner May 31, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
:) It's always a relief to know that I'm not as isolated as I may think.
Thank you, and again, thank you.
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